Why Hope Was in Pandora's Box
by Dee Jay UU
Summary: "I know what this much cookie dough means."  He assured.  So I was succumbing to my guilty pleasure.  Please don't judge.  That little note had ruined my whole life.  SasuSaku Highschool AU
1. The Hazards of Note Passing

**The chapters are short, but it's the first multi-chapter I've finished. Enjoy!  
>Awesome life-saving editing provided by Hannah and Melody (Who still won't tell me her name)<strong>

**This one's for you Baby. And we really should get around to naming our future kid.**

~*SAKURA*~

"Give this to Karin for me." Sasuke commanded me out of the blue, shoving an envelope into my hands. Curious, I turned it over in my palms. It was light, the flap tucked in instead of sealed. I wondered why no one sealed envelopes anymore. Sealed envelopes gave the contents more importance, adding a personal touch.

"Why?" I asked, dubious. Sasuke wasn't the letter writing type. Moreover, why couldn't he give it to her himself? "What is it?"

He shrugged and turned away. It was just like him to walk away with no answer. It was those anti-social habits that made me question why I was wildly in love with him. Five years of close friendship and unrequited adoration left my situation virtually hopeless, specifically when you factor in that he was the most desired boy in the state. I could have fallen in love with Brad Pitt and had better chances.

As he turned around the corner of the school hallway, I directed my thoughts back to the envelope. It was addressed "Karin" on the front in awkward penmanship; the generic handwriting of most teenage boys. I wasn't especially close to Karin, despite our running in the same circles. Her constant passes at Sasuke turned me off to the idea of kicking off a friendship. She was the only member of our group of friends besides Sasuke (who hadn't uncovered my secret obsession for him). I suspected all our friends were rooting for me anyway. Her obnoxious flirting was an annoyance to anyone within ten meters once she flipped the whore switch on. Sasuke's discouraging her was the last hope I clung to. At least he wasn't interested in anyone else.

Still, Karin's crush made me that much more interested in the letter. Curiosity nibbled at my moral code, begging me to open it. After moments of lip biting and mind reeling, I hurriedly dug the envelope flap out of its pocket, forgetting the time and place altogether, and smoothed out a folded notebook paper with the fringe still fraying off the side. It was crude, but gave the note raw emotion and unedited personality. I was prickling with jealousy before I started reading.

_Karin,_

_ Fuck, what do I even write? Stop avoiding me. I'm __sorry__, okay. You have me writing a fucking love note. I don't do love, I don't do notes. But you're killing me, because I fucking need you to stop ignoring me. I love you, okay. This is breaking my balls and I couldn't say it before but I'm saying it in some sappy note because I'm letting you get away and fuck if I' m gonna stand and watch. Don't do this. Come back._

_ ~S_

Every word—syllable—punctuated my despair, a fresh blow to reopened wounds.

He didn't love me. I knew this and still my hands were trembling and my palms were damp. My eyebrows tensed and I bit into my lip to keep tears from spilling over. However, it didn't force the lump in my throat down or settle the twists in my tummy. It was a mortifying experience to go through in the middle of the hallway. Trying to keep my heartbreak contained in the subtle fight or flight symptoms instead of a full on mental breakdown in public, I took a few deep breaths. They came out ragged and uneven, forcing me to acknowledge there was no hope left for me in the world.

What to do with the note? I could do the right thing and give it to Karin as planned. I could picture watching the exalted look spread over her face as she read my crippling heart. But I wanted to be a good friend to Sasuke if I could be nothing else to him, even if his happiness was at my expense. Instead I took a few swift, cowardly strides to the nearest garbage can. I hardly like Karin that much.

Just as I was about to drop the note, it was snatched up out of my hand. My frantic, automatic gasp resounded through the air. A brunette girl with muddy eyes scanned the note at the speed of light.

"Weren't you supposed to give this to Karin?" Her friend asked, wearing a slathering of freckles and a self-righteous half smile. Interfering, eavesdropping bitches.

"Give it back, slore." I gave the girl the most menacing glare of my lifetime. She was completely unaffected, thriving on the misfortune of my situation.

"What?" She cooed, the picture of innocence. Only from the grin she was having trouble hiding could you tell her malicious intent. "I thought you didn't want it anymore."

"What is it?" Her friend asked impatiently, starving for gossip. My god, she was the scum of the Earth. I had the seething urge to spit on her.

"It's a confession." She spoke superiorly. "Looks like Sakura doesn't want to hand Sasuke over."

"I knew she liked him. No one who knows him can resist him. But you guys were all _no_." I would have rolled my eyes if I wasn't plotting their homicide. The only thing that protected me from the scorn of the female population for being too close to Sasuke is their mistaken assumption I was the only girl on Earth immune to his good looks because I didn't whore off whenever he looked my way. Unlike girls like these, I saw him as an actual person rather than premium eye candy with aloof charm and a nice ass.

"Leave her alone. It's pitiful really, loving your best friend, to have him confess to someone else." The brunette feigned sickeningly sweet sympathy. "It must be so frustrating."

If she wanted frustrated, I'd damn right show her frustrated. All my emotional disarray tunneled into livid rage. I cuffed her square between those muddy eyes of hers before haughtily turning over my shoulder and stalking away. The last thing I saw was her friend's horrified expression like a lion had escaped its cage and the sneer of straight up loathing from the other girl as she held her nose to stop the bleeding.

I knew this wasn't going to end well. I couldn't care less.

I slinked away with an icy block in my gut, leaving to defrost it with tears.

**Hopefully this is the start of something good? Stuck around, it gets better. Trust 3**

**Oh, and Sasuke is my boy-toy. Shika is my hubbi and Sui is my lover.**


	2. Finally, Proof He's Straight

**So Mel doesn't like Sakura which I GUESS is a bit understandable, but she hearts my Sasuke which is all that matters. I like my drama queen. I can release all my bitching through my characters that way.**

~*SASUKE*~

"Dude, are you gay?" Naruto's question caught me so off guard the football we were tossing back and forth on the field almost drilled a hole in my face. Skillfully, I recovered, plucking it out of the air and spiraling it back to the idiot at full force.

"No. Fuck no. What the hell, man?"

"Dude, you're, like, the hottest guy here and the last to get a girl. You're a fucking senior, dude. And the quarterback. You could get any girl you want." That wasn't necessarily true, but I didn't correct him.

"Hottest?" I asked instead, somewhat disgusted. "And you're calling me gay?"

"Aw, come on, you know what I mean." He protested. "Kiba got Ino, Neji got Tenten, me and Hinata have been dating for three years now." He never missed the change to brag about his girlfriend. "You've never even shown any interest in girls."

"Shown" being the key word. Seventeen years of practice left me good at hiding my emotions. That didn't mean she didn't reign supreme over my thoughts. She was the plague that made my heart stop. Every flash of pink out of the corner of my eyes gave me whiplash from turning around, searching for her face. I got a Facebook to stalk her page. What else could I do? She had been my best friend for years, the solid type of friendship you just didn't mess with. Unfortunately, when it came to her, there was a lot of things I wanted to mess with.

"They're all bitches and whores. Who needs them?" Fuck if I was ever going to let anyone know about it. It was fucking degrading. Who the hell got that strung out over a girl? All the guys have, but this was bad for the image I've built. They were still fucking with Neji for getting with Tenten. The way she messed with me—well, it was mortifying.

Naruto laughed, grinning mischievously. "I'm tellin' Sakura you said that. She's gonna rip your head off." I twitched. She would. She was fiercely feministic and feisty as hell. Fuck, that's why I loved her.

"What the fuck is she, my mother?" I asked anyway, momentarily relieved to have steered away from the original topic. I offered him a bone I knew he couldn't resist. "So how are you and Hinata?"

That same, loose, involuntary grin that made him look like he was on cloud nine melted his features, just like it always did when he started talking about Hinata. Immediately, I regretted my question, a pinprick of jealously in my chest. This dude was the happiest loser I'd ever met. "It's great. She's so pretty and kind and nice and…"

He launched into some mundane story about taking her out for her birthday for ramen (again) and how perfect and warm-and-fuzzy it was or whatever. I really couldn't give a damn, but I took the distraction, focusing on the steady rhythm of tossing the football back and forth between us, remembering to grunt or roll my eyes every once and a while to pretend I was listening.

"Yo, Sasuke," Suigetsu abruptly tackled me to the ground, the football Naruto was passing to me slammed into my gut like a battering ram on the way down. Naruto and Kiba, who'd snuck up with Suigetsu burst out into laughter at my expense, which was greatly unappreciated.

"The fuck?" I swore, not sure which surprised me more, Suigetsu's tackle or the fact that Kiba and him were quiet enough to sneak up on me.

"Dude, please tell me you gave Karin the note." He said, a touch of desperation in his voice. Even playboy Suigetsu finally fell hard for some chick. I refused to be the same.

"I couldn't find her. I gave it to Sakura to give to her." Suigetsu froze, stunned, before looking confused.

"That's fucking stupid of you." He said condescendingly. I was slightly offended, not from his words, but because he actually spoke like he thought he was smarter than me. "Why the hell would you do that?"

"I don't know, because they're friends or whatever and girls have some sort of freaky psychic connection and always know where peopleare?"

"That's because they ask for directions." Naruto said. Nobody laughed. It was a lame joke.

"You have problems, dude." Kiba announced, disappointed.

I blinked."What do you mean?"

"They aren't friends." He said. My mind reeled.

"They hang out together." I defended myself.

"Because they have mutual friends." Kiba explained, though I still didn't quite understand. I never thought about how they didn't seem to talk that often or sit next to each other in groups. They'd partnered up for some projects, but then again that didn't mean much.

"So? She'll still get the message across." I tried to convince them, shrugging off my embarrassment and passing the ball back to Naruto. It flew into his hands with a thunk.

"Maybe you aren't gay." Naruto admitted, taking his time readjusting his fingers over the ball's laces. "Gay guys wouldn't be so stupid about girls."

"Depends on the gay guy." Kiba argued. Naruto tossed the ball in his direction, and he caught it with ease. "Some are even worse. Which is why they're gay."

"It can be worse?" Suigetsu asked sarcastically, still slightly nervous.

"I don't think so." Naruto shook his head as Kiba passed the football to Suigetsu. "Not if he still hasn't figured out what Sakura is all about."

"I know Sakura," I said. We were close friends at least. Most of the time, I could read her thoughts. It didn't help she was more than an open book. She was a cover with the pages ripped out and handed out on the streets. I caught Suigetsu's pass.

"So you know how she feels about you?" Kiba asked skeptically.

"Yeah." I threw the ball at Naruto with more force than necessary. "A friend."

Then came the chorus of exasperated groans from the guys. "It's settled," said Kiba. "He really hasn't realized it. No one can play stupid for that long."

I said nothing. I didn't want to hear what they were saying. She may not even like me. Worse, I could let myself hope. Not gonna happen. She wasn't going to fuck with me any more than this.

Naruto's eyes looked gloomy, let down. "Poor Sakura."

**I love the guys. Only seriously. My only regret is that they're such background characters. Sigh. Next chapter up in a few (minutes). Keep Reading!**


	3. Cookie Dough and Coke

**So I'm nervous. Because this is the last chapter I'm posting today and next comes the part where all I can do and sit around and wait with crossed fingers for reviews. Please?**

~*SAKURA*~

So I cried a bit. No big deal. I didn't want to think about it. It wasn't full on waterworks or anything and at least it made me feel a little bit better. I convinced myself that I didn't need to feel bad about it. It didn't make me weak, just human. Besides, there wasn't so much crying as there was clammy palms and violent shaking. It didn't happen often since I generally dealt with my stress pretty well, but it happens when I get really nervous, anticipating. I think I would have felt less cowardly if I cried all night.

So I was succumbing to my guilty pleasure. I found myself in the express lane with a basket full of cookie dough ice cream. I kept my head down most of the time, not wanting to see anyone I knew. I mean, it's not like hoards of high school kids hang out at the Stop and Shop, but I didn't want to take any chances.

"Sakura?" Shit. Precautions: useless. I glanced up, finding Kankoru was my cashier. He graduated last year with his sister, Temari. That girl was the only thing that got me through AP Physics. The way I saw it, not only was she a close friend, she was a savior.

"Hey," I faked a smile unsuccessfully. The corners of his mouth turned down as he started checking out my items.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I'd spend a fair share of time with him too. He knew me, and at that moment, I was resenting it.

"Nothing," I lied, knowing I wasn't fooling anyone.

"I have an older sister with a dead-beat boyfriend. I know what this much cookie dough means." He assured. I couldn't picture tough Temari breaking down and sobbing to chick flicks with a gallon of cookie dough ice cream, but it made me feel better. He handed me my ice cream in exchange for my twenty.

"Thanks." I smiled for real this time, though it was weak.

"No problem." He gave me my change back. "You still have my number. Call if you need someone."

I nodded, sure I wouldn't take him up on it, but I appreciated it, nonetheless. I wanted to be alone for a while.

I stepped into school the next morning, a forbidding dread in my gut. I knew coming in that day would be something to regret, but I wanted to be someone Sasuke could still respect-someone _I_ could respect when it was over and I'd be wasting away alone and loveless for all eternity. Yes, that's how optimistic I was. Considering he was confessing his love to a common flirt when I'd been his best friend for years in hopes he would even consider me, I'd say forever alone was pretty generous. At least I had cats in that scenarios. Last night's musings left me rotting in a ditch and drowning in my own tears. I definitely deserved some cats and respect. Too bad I didn't have the body to be a gold digger. Then at least I could fill the void slapping Karin across the face with fat wads of cash.

Anyway, I thought walking down the halls would be the worst part, what with the whispers that weren't there and my paranoia that everyone was mocking me. I swear I even saw sympathy in the eyes of one girl that made me shrivel up inside. I felt like a little girl lost in a grocery store where strangers lurked around every aisle, only worse. I was in a grocery store for the convicted child molesters of the world. It didn't help I was so short. I felt dwarfed by everyone. I was defenseless, rejected before he even had the chance to rip my heart out.

Turns out there was a worse part. I turned the corner. Through the masses of students, I spotted Sasuke on the other end, standing outside of his homeroom. What's worse, Muddy Eyes was on the tip toes of her terrible rubber flats. Her lips whispered menacingly close to his ear, smugness tugging up at their corners. I imagined he could feel her breath on his cheek. I hoped to God it smelled like some rank diet drink I was almost certain she drank every morning. Sasuke hated girls like that, right? He told me so, but then, he also never told me about Karin. Maybe I should be more annoying like that. Maybe he'd stop taking me for granted.

_Focus, Sakura. Your world is falling apart. I thought self-respect is what we decided to cling to._

Sasuke's eyes widened in what I was sure had to be shock, surprise and... repulsion, though his expression was generally so secretive and composed, that all fell away in a rare moment of unguardedness. It killed me to think what was running though his head then. Muddy Eyes planted her feet back on the ground and spotted me. She pointed and Sasuke looked over, staring at me with that same disbelieving expression.

Tears I hadn't noticed pooling flowed down a cheek, a sob taking me by surprise. I harshly rubbed the tear away with the heel of my palm while sniffling and turning back to where I came from. I sprinted without pausing to think.

My legs pumped me faster than I believed possible for someone who failed gym. Okay, it's impossible to fail gym, but I had stubby legs. Stubby, ugly legs. God, I felt so ugly running back though the hallways. This time people were really murmuring about me. The snot dripping from my nose, the unpleasant crinkled look one adorns when their face is doing a prime impersonation of a rocky riverbed, and the cowardly, primal sounds ripping though my throat. I bolted out the door and off school grounds, never stopping, only once tripping on some stupid curb I would've kicked in retaliation had I not been in such a hurry.

After I passed the convenience store nearby, I slowed down. I was gasping for air through sobs. I sounded somewhat like a vacuum, only shakier, like a dying vacuum. That just got run over by a truck. The sobs were less frequent, but still just as forceful. I had calmed down a bit, my core burning and pulse jumping in my chest and neck. What was wrong with me? I continued to walk with my hands in my pockets, hunched over with my hood up, though it wasn't too cold. It was the closest thing I had to a paper bag at the moment. What happened to all that self-respect and courage I was supposed to have? I was just kidding myself, wasn't I? I couldn't even face the rejection I'd had years to prepare for.

I kept walking toward my house, stopping at the next convenience store I crossed paths with. I needed Coke. Like Coca-Cola. I was addicted to the stuff. I needed sugar and comfort. I dragged myself through the front door, miserable as could be and collapsed on my living room couch. I had a headache. My arms and legs were Jell-o. I was beat. I decided I officially didn't want to deal with it when I heard my mother's footsteps.

"Honey, what's wrong? Why aren't you at school?" I lazily raised my head to see her over the back of the couch. She was putting her earrings in, looking concerned. Unfortunately, she caught a glimpse of my face.

"Mergnelf," was the most coherent answer I could come up with before dropping my head again, but it seemed to work for her.

"You look terrible," she said, being the 'tell it as it is' kind of woman I inherited my honesty from. "You can only be out 'sick' for a week, tops, got it? I have to go to work. You gonna be able to manage yourself?"

I held up my plastic grocery bag filled with Coke. It was all the answer she needed. I heard her keys jingle and the front door open. "Okay, take care of yourself."

The door slammed. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing steadily. I tried to push out all the humiliation and self-loathing. At least I could make it all go away for a while with a nap.

**I have the whole story written, so the next chapters will be coming at you slowly but surely. At least stay around for the good parts to get going, right?**


	4. Mistake 1: Letting her get away

**So this one's totally for my Nancy because I love her and she told me she was dying for chapter 4. And God knows I love that girl to pieces. Seriously I was meant to be born a year earlier because Class of '13 is the shit.**

**Enjoy!**

~*SASUKE*~

"Hey." A girl I'd never noticed before suddenly latched onto my arm as I was about to enter homeroom. There was a bandage over her nose and she batted two of the dullest brown eyes I'd ever seen at me. The rest of her was all right, I suppose, but she smelled like too much perfume and you could tell she thought she was the shit. There was just something about her that rubbed me the wrong way, as with the majority of the female population.

I tried to mask my irritation, but the arm she was clinging to stiffened and I'm pretty sure my eyebrow twitched. "May I help you?"

"I have a secret," she sing-songed. "The only price is a kiss."

I didn't hesitate before turning away. Unfortunately, she wasn't that easy to get rid of.

"Wait," she said, pulling me back. She sounded almost frantic for a second. It hadn't crossed her mind that unlike a normal teenager, I didn't care about secrets. "Don't you want to know?"

"No." I turned away again, but again she pulled me back.

"But it's about Sakura." There was no mistaking it. She wanted me to know. I rolled my eyes and deeply exhaled. Partly because I was legitimately exasperated, but also because I didn't want her to know she'd captured my interest.

"If I let you tell me, will you leave me alone?" I wondered, letting annoyance taint my tone. She grinned like she'd just won the lottery in three different states and lifted herself onto her toes.

"Sakura threw out your confession to Karin yesterday," she whispered too close to my ear. I was afraid she was going to kiss it.

"So?"

"So, she's in love with you." As soon as she said it, I entered panic mode. Thoughts zipped through my mind, speed continuously increasing. There were a million hopes and denials bashing the sides of my head out. The girl tapped me on the shoulder, which snapped me out of it, then she pointed down the hall.

Sakura was standing there, wiping at tears. I should have run after her then, but I couldn't find it in me to move a muscle. It was just one of those moments you just don't mess with. It must have been true. Visions of everything I'd been missing out on by keeping quiet flashed in the back of the mind. I was in awe, but kicking myself at the same time. Mixed feelings churned in my gut, enough that they spurned me into action again.

I turned toward the brown-eyed girl, who looked pleased with herself. She reminded me of a bird preening its feathers. I narrowed my eyes. "You're lucky you're a girl or you'd be nursing a black eye."

Shock took over her expression. That was clearly not the reaction she was expecting. I didn't care. I hated gossip. She humiliated Sakura. She made her cry. She huffed and stalked away. Good riddance.

I looked back down the hallway, wondering if I should go after Sakura now. I didn't want to deal with her crying, face her with tears in her eyes. I wanted to fix it, but it hurt seeing her like that; a hollow, salty feeling. Anxiety tensed my muscles, keeping me from chasing her, though I wanted to be the man to see it through. The bell rang, making my decision for me. I stepped into homeroom. I could catch up with her later.

You'd think I'd be feeling stupidly in love, anxious to locate Sakura, profess my undying love, take her in my arms and frolic into the sunset. Chances were sprouting up all over that place. But I never expected even one. This would change everything, and it was freaking me out. I was only just getting used to the idea of Sakura and me—together. At this point, my mind had already dubbed it as an inevitability. But the idea terrified me. There was a difference between a combination of wet dreams and girlish fantasies and actually dating a girl. One of us were bound to screw up.

I dropped my lunch tray at our usual table, greeted by my friends' curious looks. I glared at them before I started eating.

"So?" Kiba broke the unnatural silence. He had an apathetic looking Ino tuck under his arm. That concerned me too. Ino was never apathetic.

I took a bite of my pizza. "So what?"

"You know about Sakura." Naruto clarified. I ignored that he spoke.

"Hey, we knew it had to come out eventually." Kiba said. "I mean, Sakura isn't exactly discreet."

I resisted the urge to smirk. If Sakura was discreet, a herd of elephants made for master spies. Then his words sunk in. "You knew?"

"Everyone knew, Sasuke. She's loved you since forever." Naruto said. Well, damn, if that idiot figured it out, it must have been pretty damn obvious.

"And you didn't say," I said, starting to get pissed.

Naruto shrugged. "None of our business. No point in saying. She had no chance."

Was I really that good at hiding it? And all this could have been avoided if I had normal friends that blabbed everything.

"Why are you pissed?" Ino chimed in with major attitude. "She's the one who's heartbroken cause some bitches have loose lips. Sakura's my best friend and she's miserable because you're an asshole."

I snapped, under enough confusion already without her making me feel guilty. I jumped up from my seat and leaned over the table and got up in her face. Using my most menacing voice I said, "Sakura's my best friend, too. I haven't done shit, so get out of my face 'cause this isn't your problem."

Her eyes spit fire my way. She leaned in. "You made it my problem when my best friend was hurt."

"And what the hell do you think I did to her?" I wondered. "I would never hurt her."

"Well, you already did."

I leaned back, crossing my arms over my chest. "What was I supposed to do? She ran away before I could catch her."

"You didn't love her back." She almost whispered in rage. I flipped my lunch tray over, cardboard pizza and additional prison food splattering across the table.

"You don't know jack shit." I said, and stormed out of the cafeteria, leaving behind astonished faces. I don't show emotion. But rage?—rage I could do.

I went to Sakura's house after school. I could have walked there with my eyes closed. Standing outside her door, I practiced my I-don't-give-a-shit face which generally came naturally, but I'd never confessed my love to anyone before, particularly no one as frustrating and dramatic as Sakura before. I didn't want to slip and lose it. I wondered how the hell I was going to pull off a love confession with no emotion.

Finally, I gave up and knocked trice on the door. Sakura's mom answered the door with her always happy expression. I was positive she was where Sakura got it all. This woman was just as crazy, but she was pretty cool.

"Hey Sasuke, what's up?" She greeted warmly. Like her daughter, she radiated happy thoughts. And like with her daughter, it scared me. I was afraid I'd lose myself and want to smile.

"Is Sakura home?" Good. I mastered the indifference in my tone. Her gaze flickered suddenly to the left. It was only for a moment, soon all pleasantries once more.

"Sorry, she's not home. Do you want me to pass on a message?" The corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled. My chest seemed to deflate, though I didn't let on. I had the feeling confessing through Sakura's mother wouldn't go over well.

"No, thanks." I said stoically, turning on my heels and retreating to my car. As soon as I closed the car door behind me, I knew I had to find her.

So I spent hours visiting her favorite places over and over again. I kept going home, trying to distract myself from how I screwed up, how I needed to find her. I even did homework—I never do homework—until I realized Sakura usually did my homework and I'd start thinking about her all over again. The need to see her again hit deep in my bones and carried me out to my car where I'd resume my search. By the end of the day, there was no sign of her. She wasn't at the music shop, or buying Coke from the convenience store, or reading a book by the park fountain. I only knew I'd lost my chance, and if she really loved me, hell if I wasn't going to make myself second one.

**He better, the idiot. Ah, young love. Not that I would know anything about it. It's still fun to imagine, though. **


	5. No One Likes a Drama Queen

**Whoa, this was actually longer than I expected it to be when I began breaking everything in to chapters, but it kind of all goes together under Sakura's POV.**

**So my treat! Enjoy!**

~*SAKURA*~

I was practically dead when the girls came to visit. Visit was probably not the right word. Visit sounded too orderly and civil for the way they liked to invade my living room. Seriously, a girl can't catch a break, even from her best friends. Hinata, Tenten, and Ino stockpiled onto my sofa. It groaned under the weight. They were severely disrupting my "being miserable" time. I was camped out in my living room, armed with every chick-flick in my possession and more cookie dough ice cream and popcorn. And Coke. I guzzled some straight from the liter bottle as they stared at me with large, sympathetic eyes. Really, they just stared. It was kind of pissing me off.

"What?" I inquired, sharper than I had meant. I knew they were just there because they cared, but I didn't like pity. I had enough for myself to go around. Sure, I was dramatic and had complaining down to an art, but always about the stupid things. I solved my own damn problems. This one was just proving itself… difficult.

"You okay, sweetie?" Ino asked using her sugary sweet tone of voice. Uh-uh. She didn't use that voice with me. With your best friend, you're supposed to use your mega-bitch, keep it real voice. I wasn't going to take the abuse.

"I'm fine." I snapped, shoving my face with another spoonful of cookie dough. Oh yeah, that'll show her.

"Come on, Sakura. Guys are all dicks." Tenten said, trying to console me. She wasn't very good at the whole girl best friend thing. I didn't want to hear that from a bunch of girls with whipped (albeit, pretty fine) boyfriends.

"Yeah," Ino jumped in. "Come shopping with us. It'll take your mind off things."

I looked down at what I was wearing. Yoga pants and a ratty old sweatshirt. Not shopping attire. Besides, my eyes were probably all puffy red and my hair a mess. I didn't want to be happy. Or move from my seat. "No thanks, guys. I think I'll stay in."

They exchanged silent glances before Ino proposed, "Then we'll hang out here."

I bit my lip. Maybe I was bitter at their being happily deflowered and dating, but I didn't want them here. They'd gossip about how wonderful their boyfriends are and how perfect their lives are and happy, happy, happy. An intrusion in my self-therapy. "If you don't mind I really rather be alone."

They exchanged glances again, even more concerned, before Ino moved first, hugging me before heading for the door.

"Okay then, see you around, hon'. Feel better," she said. Tenten and Hinata both hugged me and followed her example. Except Hinata paused before crossing the threshold to the outside world. She turned back to me, biting her bottom lip.

"I really am sorry," she said sincerely, her words pricking at my worn-out emotions. I nodded in acknowledgment. I had such a soft-spot for the sweetheart; it was ridiculous.

She walked out and closed the door behind her. Whatever. I pressed play on my T.V. remote and listened to Olive lecture on becoming a whore. That was about to be my only option if this shit didn't work itself out.

I heard my front door open and close. I didn't care, not even if it was an axe murderer or rapist. I had nothing to lose. Okay, maybe I would care a bit if I actually believed it. It was probably my mother coming home from work or something equally ordinary. I didn't really want to die yet. Damn if I was dying a virgin.

"Your door was unlocked," a voice said. I paused _Never Been Kissed_ and looked up, worst fears realized. It was Karin, presumably arriving to gloat. I took a deep breath, reminding myself to think positive and act civilly. I mean, it could have been worse. It could have been Sasuke.

"Congratulations." I said sarcastically. No point in hiding my contempt now that the big secret was out.

"Look, it's not what you think." She claimed, trying to play it nice. I didn't want my feelings spared. I ignored her.

"Is he a good kisser?" I sounded tired, worn. Like a mother after labor. Like someone arising from a coma. I needed revitalization. "I've always wanted to know."

"I wouldn't know."

"What are you waiting for? We were never close, but Sasuke at least deserves a happy ending. I knew this was going to happen eventually. I just didn't foresee our friendship dissolving as a result. I never was very careful. Everyone figured it out before him. It's a wonder he never figured it out himself. I guess he just ignored what he didn't want to see."

"Look, obviously you want to talk about it with someone." She said somewhat sassily. I was beginning to suspect it wasn't personal so much as she always sounded like that. "It's cool, that's what I came for. I know how you feel."

"How would you know?" I wondered bitterly. "He loves you."

She took a seat next to me on my couch, which I resented. "I know how it feels not being able to unload on your friends about it. They're all happy with their wicked hot boyfriends while you're left alone. It gets lonely. And I know how it feels to have your emotions torn apart. Falling in love with the wrong people. Because there's nothing going on between Sasuke and me." She sounded sincere, albeit still a bit sassy. I almost let myself connect with her for a second.

"I saw the note, Karin." I said, the moment passing. "You don't have to lie about it. We aren't close enough that you need to salvage a connection or something."

"I talked to Sasuke about this note rumor. He said someone told him to give it to me. He said he didn't even read it."

"Maybe he chickened out." I suggested, groping for an explanation.

"Sasuke doesn't seem the chickening out type." She said. I knew that. I didn't believe it myself.

"It could be a pride thing—his failure with the note too much to admit."

"Yeah, he does seem like a pride person," she agreed. It was awkward for a moment. I felt uncomfortable discussing how well we knew Sasuke. I obviously knew him better, though that didn't make a difference to him. Besides, more time I spent acknowledging her as an actual person, the harder it was to muster up irrational dislike for my own benefit.

"Trust me," I said, asserting my knowledge of all things Sasuke. "He'd go to hell and back before compromising his pride."

"But I'm telling you it doesn't matter." She sounded exasperated, honest. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to believe her. "We aren't like that in the slightest. I don't even like him."

"Okay, now you're straight-up lying. You were all over him."

"I guess that's why you didn't like me so much, but I swear I didn't know. I just wanted to make…. someone jealous." Now she was sounding more unsure, vulnerable. It was making it that much harder to ignore her humanity.

"Someone." I repeated suspiciously. As if I was letting it go. Maybe it would have been easier for me to believe that they both liked each other so at least my massive blunder would have been worth something. But I was female and I wasn't going to let any gossip slip away.

"Okay, I'm telling you this in confidence, which probably isn't a good idea considering your attitude towards me as of late, but I can't tell the girls. They're too happy, they won't understand. I need to tell someone. You'll understand."

I narrowed my eyes, wondering if I should be assisting the enemy. "Okay…"

"Suigetsu and I have been kind of… involved." She said sheepishly. I could feel my eyes bugging out of my head.

"You're joking."

"It started out as sex." She continued, ignoring that I'd spoken. "Just sex. And it worked for a while, you know? I mean, I wasn't the relationship kind of girl, and he was the non-committal type of guy. So we figured what the hell. I mean, the sex was good and we weren't hurting anyone."

"Why are you telling me this?" I wondered, cynically. I was kind of jealous too. Suigetsu was just a friend, and I would never sleep with him because he was a shark, but he wasn't bad looking. Something about them being mutual friends kept it from being sleazy. Just scandalous. I wondered if she was feeling that sort of superiority that non-virgins felt around virgins. The thought irritated me. "Sui is the possessive type, even if it wasn't an official thing. I thought it was cute, so I started flirting with Sasuke. It was partly a game just to try and get a response from him, but mostly it was me making Sui a little upset. "

"Well, that was stupid." Hey, just because she decided to pour her heart out, didn't mean I was suddenly going to spare her feelings.

Instead of getting all defensive, she gave me a week smile, which I could respect but kind of made me feel like a bitch. "The thing is, as we kept seeing each other, Sui and I spent more and more time together. Sometimes going places before and after sex. Just hanging out. Steadily, he got more and more touchy about me flirting with Sasuke. I thought it meant he was actually starting to like me, for real, you know."

"So you broke it off?" I was starting to find myself getting into the story.

"No, I found myself not caring." She shrugged. "I was beginning to enjoy whatever we were."

"Okay, I don't see your problem." I was starting to get pissed again "You sound pretty happy to me."

"Then we got into an argument about Sasuke." She cast her eyes down, looking at her hands, fiddling with her fingers in her lap. "He called me a whore, slut, and some other shit. I probably deserved it. I was pretty low. I told him he was a bastard for getting all pissy even though we weren't supposed to be more the sex buddies. I told him I was never going to see him again if he didn't tell me he loved me. And he just stood there, blank face. I realized I screwed up—said the forbidden word. So I walked out before I could embarrass myself anymore."

"Wow. I couldn't tell." I was slightly disappointed my powers of female intuition had failed me. "You guys hid it pretty well."

"I guess we thought it was more fun that way." She admitted. "We both hated the drama."

"Sucks. I'm sorry." I bit my lip I didn't know what else to say.

"So I don't like Sasuke. Nothing's there. I don't know who it was from."

I took a deep sigh. "Thanks, but it doesn't matter. He still knows. And he still doesn't love me back."

There was an uncomfortable pause neither one of us entirely sure what came next. "Well, I guess I should be going. And thanks." She said. "You know, for listening. Even though you don't really like me."

She was barely up and out of her seat when I said, "You know there's still room on my sofa."

She looked back at me incredulously. "Really?"

"Yeah. At times like these, a girl needs her chick flicks." I pressed play again on the remote as she settled back. I guess I had no reason to dislike her anymore.

"Damn, I wish my English teacher was that hot." She said. I smiled to myself, silently agreeing. I almost saw a friendship coming on.

Talking with Karin made me realize how much I wanted to vent to someone. And more than just Karin because she was somehow wrapped up in it all. I wanted the thoughts of someone removed from the drama that I'd have no reservations pouring my heart out. So I did something I thought I'd never do. I actively sought out company. Luckily, I already had a volunteer to be subjected to the petty concerns of this teenage girl.

I called Kankuro, instantly reassured at the smile in his voice. Less than half an hour later we were sitting across from each other in the mall food court.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" He only asked as we settled down, taking a bite of his pizza. I gave him a sheepish smile.

"I'm sick." I said. He rolled his eyes.

"Obviously." He said with heavy sarcasm. Then he grinned. "So what's up?"

I shrugged. "I didn't want to go to school."

"That's because high school, by definition, sucks." He took another bite of pizza. "But if I remember correctly, you were the only one who thought schoolwork was fun. You were like a nerd, only hotter."

I tried not to let the compliment get to me, but it did considerably restore my self-esteem given my current emotional turmoil. "I have a problem."

"Well, yeah. Anyone who likes studying has a problem."

"No, I mean a real problem. Like, at school. Which is why I'm not going."

He blinked at me, face blank. "I'm listening."

I tried to explain without spitting my cheeseburger all over him, which was hard because the words seem to tumble out in a disorganized babble without rest. He was good at not interrupting me, and I was good at rambling my ass off. We made a good pair.

"Ah, high school drama," he said when I'd finished, slightly lightheaded but relieved to get my stupidity off my chest. "Wish I could say I missed it, but I'd have to be crazy."

I bit my lip. "So what do I do?"

"I—" he started, then held his tongue. I raised an eyebrow.

"Well?"

"I'm going to be completely honest with you, Sakura." He said gravely. "I knew nothing good would come from your infatuation with Sasuke."

I gave a sad smile. "Me too."

He looked sympathetic and I couldn't even feel bad about it. He got it right. I was pitiful.

"Let's blow this place." He rose from his chair. "Let's do something fun. That's the point of skipping school right?"

I followed in suit. "Sounds awesome."

We walked outside to where he parked the car. I walked along the raised curb between the parking lot and side walk.

"Ah," Kankuro said, noticing. "You're one of those."

"One of what?" I asked, trying to keep my balance.

"One of those people who liked to walk up on those things. You can tell a lot about people like that," he said.

"Like what?"

"The people who walk up there are the risk-takers. They like challenge. They're playful. The best kind."

I thought about that for a second. "I guess you're right."

"Sasuke wouldn't walk like that." He spoke softer. I supposed he was right.

"How about you?" I teased, trying to retain a playful air. He grinned and hopped up onto the curb with me.

"Bet I could go faster," he challenged.

"No way."

He grinned again. "Watch me."

"Let's kiss." I proposed impulsively a different date. Kankoru gave me one of those blank, incredulous stares. I was slightly offended; after all, he looked as if I'd just suggested we shoot up a 7-11 for the Slurpee's. Not that I'd be totally opposed to that idea either, but a sane person might. Sometimes I forgot they were still out there ruining it for the rest of us.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" He asked in complete seriousness. I honestly couldn't see any reason for it to be a bad one.

"What harm can it do? I mean, what's an experimental kiss between friends? We're cool enough for it to not mess with anything right?"

"Well, no," he admitted, still not looking completely sold with the idea. "But what brought this on anyway? Spontaneous kissing just doesn't seem your thing."

I hesitated to explain. It was somewhat mortifying. "I haven't really kissed a guy before. Like, I have, but never since middle school, before I fell in love with the most inaccessible guy within a three-hundred mile radius. I mean, there have been a few drunken kisses I can't really remember and ploys to discover if Sasuke actually cared one way or another, but never a real, legitimate kiss with pure intentions with someone I care about."

He raised an eyebrow in skepticism. "You sure you want to waste it on me?"

"Who else am I gonna waste it on?" I wondered. I thought about the comfortable, protected calm I felt around him. "Besides, I really like you. If I wasn't strung out over someone else, I might have wanted a shot." He still looked at me like I was speaking gibberish. I continued, a bit miffed. "I mean, if you don't want to kiss me, I understand. I'm not exactly the hottest chick around and…"

I was cut off, a pair of lips crushing into mine, then softening into something gentle and completely new to me. My lips parted by themselves and played along like they were born to. Firm hands placed themselves on my waist and I snaked my arms around his back, fingers resting on his shoulder blades. It was slow and sweet and planted vines in my stomach that curled and pressed against my sides in attempts at escape.

It was a while before he pulled away, because I wasn't going to stop it.

"You're drop dead, babe. " He pulled my head to his chest. "Good kisser too. I'll be here whenever you get over him."

We stayed like that for a bit. I listened to his heartbeat, thinking how I'd never felt more appreciated by a boy in my life.

**So maybe I can kinda see why Mel dislikes Sakura. These guys are idiots. The great part about idiotic characters is that if you REALLY want to, you can bash their heads in. In real life you'd get yourself arrested or some shit.**


	6. Mistake 2: Biting his tongue

**Special shout out to xrawrapandax, whose reviews made my day! Only seriously.**

**Oh and Kiwi-chann should know I love her 'cause my kitten is named Kiwi. She'd tiny and fuzzy and brown with big pistachio-colored eyes, so she looks like a kiwi. Plus, the friend who came up with the name gave me this sob story about how they named a baby bunny with the same coloring kiwi, but it was too young and died without its mommy. So, I had to name it kiwi.**

~*SASUKE*~

My hands clenched around my steering wheel. My knuckles were burning white. Focus on that. Concentrate on how the bone was about to break through the skin. I didn't want to think about what I saw. I clenched my jaw and let go of the wheel, only to steer my way out of that place. I kept driving, trying to think only about minor landmarks, the street signs, the cars people were driving. Still, something sour was curdling in my gut. The image kept popping up, darkening my mood. Kankuro, taking Sakura in his arms, kissing her full on the lips. Sakura, kissing back. Her head on his chest. Him holding her close.

I convinced myself to drive around town one more time. Go where she goes once more and quit it. So I checked the library. She'd consider moving in if it was allowed. I didn't even get out of my car before the display of affection assaulted me through the windshield. She'd kissed other guys before, and, yeah, I'd gotten jealous. But they were always no one she cared about, not a close friend like Kankuro. It was never sweet and sincere like that. She never smiled against their mouths like that. Something was withering and rotting black inside. Maybe the hope I'd been harboring the past few days. Jealousy was seething. Self-hatred was churning.

I parked outside my house, yanking the key out of the ignition, and slamming the car and front doors with unnecessary force. I deposited my keys on the counter before I started pacing around my kitchen. "Dammit." I pushed my hair out of my face with my fingertips. "Fuck it. Fuckin' goddamn." I eventually rested my elbows on the counter, burying my face I my palms. "That should be me." The thought repeated itself in my mind. _That should be me._

"Something wrong, little brother?" A voice came from behind me. I stiffened before dragging my face up through my hands and reluctantly turning to face Itachi. Only my brother could hold that degree of perpetual smugness in his tone.

"Hn," I said, acknowledging his presence, but not his question. He smirked at me. I'd never admit it, but it sort of intimidated me when he did that. He looked like the asshole who thought he had all the answers to life. What's worse, he usually did.

He leaned against the table, looking superior. "This isn't about Sakura again is it?"

"What?" I asked, my response probably sounding a lot more zealous than it should.

Itachi rolled his eyes. "You're my little brother. I can see right through you." He picked an apple from the bowl of fruit my mother leaves out on the table. "What did you do now?"

"Nothing," I said harshly. "Because I don't like her."

"I never said you did." Itachi stood up straight again. "But you're going to lose your chance if you keep acting like such a pussy."

Itachi exited the room and I buried my face in my hands again. I hated his advice. It was always right. He needs to give it sooner.

~*SAKURA*~

I took a deep breath. It was meant to be cleansing, but it wasn't doing much for the dread that seemed to possess me. My hands were trembling again. Come on, Sakura, you needed to grow a pair. What was I going to do, drop out of school for some boy? I was a thousand times more responsible than that. Unfortunately, that didn't make me any less of a wimp. I didn't know what I was afraid of. So I might lose a friend. Friends don't last forever. I couldn't have expected to pine after him until I'd morphed into the crazy cat lady. So what if it would break my heart and crush my soul? People have lived through worse. However, that didn't ease my suffering. In fact, as I approached the school, I was considering throwing myself in front of a bus. Seriously.

I found Sasuke at his locker. Thankfully, he didn't see me first, so I had time to smooth my hair back and mentally prepare myself. I persuaded my feet to move forward, telling myself I'd be relieved when it was all over. I clutched my books to my chest, hoping maybe they'd protect me, which was silly at best. The worst he could do was laugh in my face, and a whole stack of books couldn't stop that from punching me in the stomach.

I swallowed before speaking. "Hey."

He looked over at me, seeming mildly surprised, which was unsettling. Actual emotion was never a good sign coming from him. "Hey. You all right?"

I discreetly looked around. With all the drama going around, we'd gathered some viewers. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"You've been out." He stated simply. Terse as always.

"Yeah, I know." I took another breath. I was suddenly feeling low on oxygen. "Um, about that rumor that's been going around. About me, uh… liking you."

I bit my lip, nervously, hunching in on myself. I was such a chicken. Sasuke put his final book in his locker and slammed the door shut before saying anything. "It's a rumor, Sakura. I don't care."

He walked away, leaving me dumbstruck. He was willing to ignore it. Something about his response mad him seem kind of pissed, but we were still cool. It was more that I could even have hoped for. I marveled at my luck, watching him go. A miracle.

So why did I feel deflated?

~*SASUKE*~

"Hey, Kankuro," Ino greeted as he walked into Ihop with his arm possessively wrapped around Sakura's waist. Her cheeks colored a bit when I looked at her and she adverted her eyes. I tried my utmost not to seethe.

"Hey," he grinned back. What pissed me off most about him was that I couldn't punch him in the face. He was actually a good guy and probably better for Sakura than I was.

"What are you doing here?" Ino wondered, voice heavy with suggestion.

"Sakura invited me." He turned his head so he could stare into Sakura's eyes. Gag.

"So are you two, like…." Ino countered. Instead of answering, Kankuro planted one on Sakura. She complied, forming to him like clay. Ino and Kiba cat-called while I imagined bashing my head in. My friend's apparent approval made me feel even worse for wishing him road kill on the highway. Except for Karin. She frowned a little, but otherwise did nothing to show either support or disapproval.

The couple took their seats at our table and proceeded to flawlessly melt into our group. I wish I could say Kankuro was anything other than charming and likeable. Only every once and a while he would he catch my eye with slight condescension and distaste. It took all my self-control to refrain from kicking the son of a bitch in the shin.

And so it went on. For weeks I had to endure the perfect couple pop in and out of my life while debating if I should buy some pills to pop in with them.

**He so stupid.**


	7. Why You Shouldn't Mix Vodka and Sasuke

**So sorry I didn't publish this earlier. I think that after you read this chapter, you're either going to hate me, or reallyreally want more. Whichever way, I want to know what you think!**

~*SAKURA*~

Lights flashed crazy colors in the dark, overcrowded room. With the atmosphere, masses of heated bodies swaying in a rhythmic convention, the pounding music syncing up to the beating of my heart, it seemed like a club. Ino had it set so she could make her house look like that with the snap of her fingers. The warmth and smell of sweat reached even the corners where people like me hung on the outskirts.

I was aching to dance, the pulse of the music charging through and calling me, but the thought of squeezing into the packed huddle made me nauseous. I never understood why anyone would want to dance so close to the point where you were grinding up against perfect strangers.

I took another sip of my drink. I wasn't sure how many I'd had. Only that it tasted good and I didn't think the lights were fuzzy enough yet. I wasn't dizzy enough yet. With all the sulking and self-pity I had really had the chance to forget myself—throw caution to the wind. Except I wasn't a good drinker and throwing caution to the wind usually meant mopping was in somebody's near future. I swore that was my last drink.

I watched the couples in corners and on the dance floor sucking face. I wrinkled my nose, repulsed. Maybe I was just bitter. I wished Kankuro was here, but I didn't feel like he'd want to be dragged out to some lame high school party. Of course, Ino would poke her eye out before throwing a lame party, but still. I was still uncertain about being in an actual relationship. It was so different than I imagined. It was comfortable and sweet. And, yeah, it was wonderful, but it made me feel guilty and bit more reserved than I thought I'd be. I thought it would be… liberating. Instead, I found it slightly oppressing, if anything. I was…. happy, though. I felt appreciated and cared about, so I decided it was worth it.

"You should dance," Ino came up and had to scream in my ear. She drunkenly shoved me into the crowd. I decided not to fight it, moving with it instead. If these people didn't want to get thrown-up on, they shouldn't have come to a party with so much booze.

I was jostled around some before the crowd spit me out and I went to get another drink. I ladled a cup out of the spiked punch bowl. When the first sip struck me as sinfully delicious I remembered my promise not to drink anymore and handed the red cup off to the nearest stumbling idiot. They would thank me.

Someone heavy fell into my side, reeking of alcohol and almost knocking me down. I had to bend my knees and push as hard as I could to keep myself upright. I somehow mustered the force to shove him off me. He righted himself, looming high above me. I realized why he was so heavy. Sasuke was a big guy. He was six foot with probably two hundred pound of muscle. One of the reasons he was the neighborhood heartthrob.

"Hey, Sakura, what's up?" he asked. I should have called the police then. Sasuke was initiating a conversation. The world may have well crumbled. I'd never seen him completely wasted like that. He drank enough to get buzzed, sure, but it just seemed so wrong to have The Sasuke Uchiha stumbling all over the place. It almost made him seem human. He never broke his façade for anything.

"Sasuke, how drunk are you?" Though I didn't have to ask. He was obviously shitfaced.

"I hate parties." He said. "Take me home."

My heart fluttered at his phrasing, but I was sure to keep it hidden. Not that it mattered. I could confess my undying love and he was too wasted to have understood. I only briefly had to consider what he was asking. I probably wasn't good to drive, but he would definitely kill himself if he drove, no doubt—especially since he was a madman on the road. God only knows how he got his license. I tried to rationalize it, telling myself it wasn't far away and I could drive there in my sleep. I slung his gargantuan arm over my shoulder. "You're an idiot."

I lead him to my car, half dragging, half tossing him into the passenger seat. I felt like Atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I despised being so small. I probably should have considered a gym membership in that moment, but I decided that was enough exercise to last me a year. I shut the door on him and circled around to the driver's seat, settling down and jamming my keys in the ignition. All of a sudden I was anxious to get him home. Everything about being with him at that moment was vulnerable. Things between us were fragile as they were without me continuing to want to brush my fingers through his hair and jump his bones. Furthermore, he was exposed, which never happened. Ever. It messed with the entire balance of the universe. And we were drunk driving. I was about to get us killed.

"Ino's going to be pissed we just got up and left." I said. He only grunted in response. At least his was his old, silent self again. "Why the hell are you so drunk?"

He just kept breathing, slow and steady. He didn't speak until we stopped in front of his house.

"Put it in park," He said. "I need to talk to you."

I put it in park since he seemed no nonsense. When I looked back at him, dark eyes bore into me with a sort of scattered intensity. It was dizzying. I always loved his eyes; the contrast between them and pale skin, the way they reminded me of a charcoal drawing. They were dark, yet somehow soft, like the charcoal could smudge across the paper at a feather-light touch. He wrapped a hand around the base of my head. His fingertips were firm against the nape of my neck, almost aggressive. Instead of being threatened, I was kind of… turned on. Something was heating up in that car.

"I got drunk because I'm tired of thinking about you," he said before suddenly smashing his lips forcefully to mine, leaving me no window of escape. Not that I would have had the resistance to take one. But this kiss didn't make my chest fill with happy, little girl, unicorn infatuation. It was raw and sloppy and so much less than perfect, but it made my pulse pronounce and toes curls. I could feel my lips bruising and the dire need for air, but I let my lungs sear as I kept kissing him, grabbing onto his shirt and scooting in close as I could, though the car's space restrictions was making it difficult for us.

We somehow ended up fumbling and banging our way into the back seat. He was lying on top of me, covering me completely. I was dwarfed. I couldn't have gotten away if I wanted to. Thank God I didn't want to. Hungry ripping sounds of our kisses were the only thing to be heard, filling up night silence. I whimpered as his lips moved to my neck, fingers brushing just underneath the edges of my shirt. I only had a second of slight clarity, though still somewhat muddled. I'd be cheating on Kankuro. Sasuke was drunk and didn't know what he was doing. It could ruin everything I was trying to salvage.

Then my shirt evaporated and I made my decision. I arched my back so he could fumble with my bra clasp. It came off, followed by another shirt, pants, and other unmentionables. It was clumsy and drunken and unromantic and in the back of my car. But we didn't need anything else. We laid still and quiet afterwards until his alcohol breath whispered in my ear. "I have to go."

I nodded and we both gathered and shimmed on what clothes we could. He kissed me once again, hard, before pulling his shirt over his head and stumbling through his front door. I rested minute, mind swimming, before bumping my head on the ceiling climbing back into the driver's seat. I took another minute to collect myself before driving back home. I parked in the driveway. I somehow made it into my bed, trying to sort through what I just did, but the drinks were still juggling my thoughts. I was in an alcohol and Sasuke induced haze: not a good combination. Then I feel asleep wondering what the hell kind of hangover that would bring the next morning.

**Xrawrapandax****: Hopefully, you understand this in the end, but the whole reason these two keep going in circles is because their afraid to hope. Basically, my point is that hope can be a bitch too and that's probs why it was stuck in the box with all the bad things. Sometimes, it isn't much better.**

**Rina Serubeyoru:**** I noticed that, but to be honest, this whole story started as an exercise to focus on POV rather than detail. In a lot of my work, I feel like I'm much more descriptive. Thank you so much for the feedback though. It means a lot :)**

**Thanks so much for reading and asking good questions!**


	8. Mistake 3:Not learning from his mistakes

**So I finally finished Sense and Sensibility so I thought I'd celebrate by updating! (My friend Naeelah was bothering me about it.) And I got first place in my winterguard competition today as well so…. Cheers!**

~*SASUKE*~

The morning after the party I stumbled down the stairs without bothering with a shirt to get painkillers. My head was in the process of imploding. Even my footsteps were too loud. I tried to remember what had happened, but every time I tried, pain would ripple from my temples to the crown of my head. I could come up with nothing more than vague recollections. When I reached the base of the stairs I heard a series of resounding claps. Each one zapped my brain like lightning. The hand that wasn't holding me up by the stair rail flew up to cover my ear.

"Congratulations." Of course it was Itachi. He was talking unnecessarily loud on purpose with a smug smirk. "I would recognize the walk of shame anywhere. My little brother finally got laid."

I shot him my deadliest glare, which just made him look smugger. "What the hell are you talking about?" I mumbled. "I didn't sleep with anybody."

He raised an eyebrow with a knowing gleam in his eyes. "Then where'd you get the bruises on your hips?"

I mentally groaned before looking down. Sure enough, blaring bright red hickeys glowered up at me. "Fuck," I cursed. "What did I do this time?"

~*SAKURA*~

I thought about it for a long time. By long time, I meant a day; but it was something I needed to figure out before I saw Sasuke again. I split my time between freaking out over sleeping with Sasuke and feeling guilty for betraying Kankuro. We weren't, like, seriously dating, but it was pretty clear he was into me. And I was way into him so in a perfect world there shouldn't be a problem. But in a perfect world there wouldn't be boys so perfect they mangle the hearts of unsuspecting females with every step of perfection they take.

Okay, so obviously he wasn't perfect. He was moody and a prick and dense. But that didn't stop me from torturing myself. That didn't stop me from giving up my virginity in the back seat of my car when we were both drunk out of our minds.

So the way I saw it, I had two choices concerning Kankuro. I could _a)_ break-up with him because it was unfair to act all flirty when I was still immersed in my Sasuke-induced madness, or _b)_ tell him the truth and hope he lets me ask for his undying forgiveness. And since I was in the habit of being self-destructive lately, I went with the option that would cause me the most pain in the long run.

"Okay, Sakura, what's up?" Kankuro asked the Sunday after the party.

"Nothing," I said with a weak smile. Pathetic.

"You have that look." He pointed out. "The kind girls have when they're putting off saying something they don't want to say but think they have to anyway."

I bit my lip and decided to blurt it out. "I'm breaking up with you."

Kankuro blinked, seemingly unaffected. "I knew that, Sakura."

"What?" I asked, legitimately confused. I thought everything was fine between us. That is, before I screwed up.

"I wasn't joking about waiting for you." He spoke seriously. "You're not ready. It's okay."

"Really?" I said earnestly. He sounded so sincere but I found it hard to believe he would be so sweet to me.

He brushed my bangs from my forehead and planted a gentle kiss. "I'll wait."

And my heart broke again, but in a different way. It was full of conflicting feelings, relief, regrets, and gratefulness. Bittersweet.

~*SASUKE*~

Sakura decided that we should eat lunch in the library that day, since we had some stupid test in chemistry later. I went along with it, of course, since you don't pass up one on one time with Sakura, especially when there's been a rift in your friendship that's your own fault. I didn't do much studying anyway. Mostly I watched her, hunched over her book furrow in her brow. Her enthusiasm for school always impressed me. She twirled her pencil in the air absentmindedly. She appeared so intent of the material, it almost startled me when she slammed her book closed and snapped inquiring eyes up to mine.

"Sasuke, it's been two days since the weekend," she said, no nonsense.

My expression remained neutral. "I know my days of the week," I responded, but her dynamic intent transferred from her book to my gaze made it obvious she was going somewhere with this.

"And we haven't breathed a word about Friday," she pointed. Instantly, I was on my guard, still uncertain about what went down that night.

"Correct." I said, playing along.

"Well, it's stupid. I don't regret it even if you do, though, honestly, I wouldn't see why you would, since with guys—but anyway. That's not really important. My point is, we can really ignore it if we're not comfortable with it. I mean, if we can't even talk about it, then it's just there, you know? Like clutter and stuff. And with the rumors and everything our friendship is cluttered as it is, you know?" She was rambling. It would have been cute if I understood what she was talking about in the slightest.

"Right," I agreed, slowly and cautiously. She gave a funny look.

"Sasuke?" She sounded kind of suspicious.

"Tell me again," I said, deciding it was better to come right out with it. "What happened Friday night?"

Without warning, the library was filled with a resounding smack as Sakura's palm came into contact with my cheek. Pure outrage splayed across her face, along with a sort of crushed emotion mixed in.

We collected a fair amount of attention by this point, but Sakura still leaned in and whispered, "I gave you my virginity, you asshole," then flipped over our books and binders and turned away.

"Wait, Sakura." I grabbed her wrist before even processing the information. She twisted it out of my grip, scowling all along.

"I loved you!" She practically screamed. "I still do. And yeah I get if I'm not exciting enough for you, but don't ignore me. I thought I'd at least garner the respect of having my feelings acknowledged, even if we couldn't be friends anymore. Instead, you decide to forget my feelings as soon as you hear wind of it. You're so self-centered. Instead of properly rejecting me, you leave me with inklings of hope. That's even crueler. I'm stuck on this emotional roller coaster as you get to sit there looking as perfect and in control as ever. And it kills me. And you know, I thought you'd at least have the decency not to mess with a girl the way you did, you know? You used me. You're my best friend. How could you?" She had sobs in her speech and tears in her eyes at this point.

I was so stunned by her rant; I couldn't move as she stomped away as I tried to process everything. The pieces were trying to fit together, but the end results seemed impossible. And I let her go again. You'd think by then I'd know to stop her.

**Hope ya'll liked it! This was one of the more embarrassing chapters to post so….tell me what you think!**

**Love and Kisses~**


	9. The End Ends Nothing

**Bam! This is the end guys, tragic, I know. But I just need to polish up one extra chapter tying up Siugetsu and Karin's story, so stick around for that! This was my favorite chapter to write.**

~*SAKURA*~

So I was back where I started. Watching chick-flicks on my couch. I was stuffing my face with more popcorn when I heard a knock on the door. Impressed that someone bothered to knock, I rewarded them by exerting the effort to get up and let them in. It was Ino, standing there in all her stunning glory. I didn't even bother saying anything, just walked back to my seat, expecting her to follow. She gingerly sat herself on the remaining couch space. I found it comical how cautious she was being. She was Ino, and was supposed to be rash and careless and loud.

"How are you feeling?" She asked. I just gave her one of those looks that said "what do you think?" She grinned a bit. "Okay, bad question."

"Honestly? I feel tired. I'm fed up. I can't deal with it anymore." I answered, stuffing my face again.

"I don't even know what happened. I just know you and Sasuke got into a bad fight in the library. No one knows much else."

I finished swallowing my popcorn before breaking the news. "I slept with Sasuke Friday night. He was too drunk to remember."

Ino's eyes bugged out of her head, her voice reaching ultrasonic levels. "_What_?"

I gave a small smile. "I know. I mean, I don't regret it, but I just keep screwing myself over by him. I've given up. For real this time. I can't stand it anymore. I keep hoping and—it hurts."

She looked like she was still processing the piece of gossip, not sure how to take it. "My God. I mean—damn. Really? So you guys are just going to be friends now or—"

I shook my head. "I can't. I tried that. Didn't work out very well. He's out of my life forever."

"Maybe it's for the best. He's been a real jerk lately. I don't know why he's been in such a bad mood, but someone needs to slap sense into him. And you still have Kankuro, right?"

I shook my head again and her jaw dropped. "Why not, what happened?"

I gave her a funny look. "I slept with Sasuke."

She smiled kind of sheepishly. "Oh, right."

I grabbed a hand full of popcorn, then offered the bowl to Ino who did the same. We raised our popcorn in the air. "To leaving it behind." I toasted before knocking our knuckles together and simultaneously stuffing our faces. At least I still had friends.

~*SASUKE*~

The door swung open, only for a second, before she tried to slam it in my face. That second was all it took for me to stick my foot in between it and the door frame. I clasped the door's edge and forced it open, though she tried to hold me back. I was quarterback of the football team and she barely passed gym. When she realized she didn't have a chance she whipped around and took off. I followed her up her stairs, feet pounding hard against the steps. I was almost close enough to grab her wrist when she abruptly twisted into her bathroom and slammed the door. I heard the lock click into place and I turned around, slowing to a jog, backtracking a few steps before coming to a complete stop.

I ran my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my face, wondering if I should even be there. I didn't want this all to blow up in my face. But with Sakura upset and our friendship in ruins with the chance to fix it, I wasn't really in a place to put my pride first. This wasn't a minefield anymore; everything had detonated. What did I have to lose besides another chance? Something told me this was my last one.

I turned around again walking back and rapping twice on the door. Sakura's voice burst through it, a resounding chorus of, "LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA." I threw my head back in exasperation smoothing my hair back again, this time with both palms, turning to face the wall opposite the bathroom door. I swiveled to rest my back on it, sliding to the floor. I clasped my hands and waited for her to stop, but she never did. I could easily picture it; her eyes squeezed shut, palms covering her ears, like a child in all their immature glory. I normally wouldn't mind that much—it was actually kind of cute. To me the behavior made her seem all the more _alive_, you know? Like the raw energy of her personality bubbled right under her skin. She was animated and dramatic which is why I loved her. So I was patient. Hell, I waited years, what was a few minutes in the grand scheme of things?

Eventually, the hallway fell quiet. The silence vibrated between us before I broke it, my voice deceptively casual. "I love you, you know."

The lock was hurriedly undone and the doorknob turned, revealing a face guarded, yet still susceptible. "Really?"

I found her eyes, both mine and hers unflinching. We both knew now there was nothing to be lost. "I tried to tell you. You wouldn't let me."

She was in a sort of stupor. I almost started panicking. What if she wouldn't believe me? What if she decided I was messing with her? What if she hated me for it? She was the type to do that sort of thing.

Mentally, I set my jaw and buckled up. It was irrational to feel so vulnerable with nothing to lose, but I guess that's what made me vulnerable. If she didn't believe me I'd make her believe. I'd sit in that hallway forever. She called me a liar.

"You know you don't have to go this far. I've watched you forever. I'd have noticed if you felt the same." She argued. I stood up and paced over to where she stood. I inhaled deeply, preparing myself for the difficult admission of weakness. I tilted her chin up I bowed down so we stood nose to nose, breath to breath.

"I know. It was hard for me to hope too." I said. She froze, whether in shock, awe, or defense, I had no clue, but it was obvious she wasn't going to make the first move. I cupped her left cheek, my fingertips resting lightly over her ear. I leaned in, taking her lips. They molded into mine, eventually moving to relax the tenseness in her body. Her torso arched back, her arms wrapped around my neck to keep herself somewhat upright. I bowed my head down, following her lead. It seemed a premonition for how the rest of our relationship was going to play out. When we pulled apart, I lifted her back up again and she unconsciously licked her lips. It was dead sexy.

"Still unconvinced? Because I can be a lot more convincing if I have to be." I smirked, insecurities vanished.

"Ooh, I didn't know you had this playful side." She teased, but she was grinning her face off like an idiot. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I tried to turn on the intensity. "How much is it going to take to convince you?"

"I don't know," She said, eyes sultry and playful. "I kind of want to see you beg."

"I don't do begging." There was only so much pride I was willing to sacrifice in one day. "I am, however, interested on seeing how far I can push before I have you begging _me_ to stop."

She planted one on me without warning. It was a lot swifter and with less tongue than the previous kiss, but still hot as hell. She pulled away mischievously and batted her lashes. "I could live with that."

~*SAKURA*~

"Ask," Kiba commanded, shoving Naruto's arm. Naruto shot him a peeved look and shoved him back.

"You ask," he said. I rolled my eyes, taking a bite from my sandwich. For once, I wished for a peaceful lunch without the ceaseless bickering that accompanies the presence of teenage boys.

"Ask me what?" I finally questioned, saving them the trouble. The two exchanged glances.

"You broke up with Kankuro, right?" Kiba wondered. I blinked, uncertain as to why it was such a difficult question to ask.

"Yeah, I told you that. Why?" I said quizzically. The two grinned and Sasuke smirked. I shot them a suspicious look and theorized what they knew that I didn't.

"Then where'd you get the hickey?" Naruto asked. I raised my eyebrows and my cheeks heated.

"I don't have a hickey," I defended myself, voice raising an octave.

"Holy shit!" Ino chimed in. "You've been holding out on me."

"I do not have a hickey," I insisted, narrowing my eyes.

"You so do!" Ino brushed her fingertips over a spot on my neck. "It's right here."

I snapped my glare over to Sasuke who sat across from me looking perfectly smug. "You bastard!" I accused as I tried to kick him in the shin. Instead, Kiba yelped in pain. Whoops.

"Omigod, no way!" Ino squealed, way too excited and obviously unsympathetic to my injuring her boyfriend. "I can't believe you didn't tell me! You said you gave up on him! Are you to together now? Are you in looove?"

"Omigod, shut up." I elbowed her to keep her quite.

"Holy shit," Naruto said, attacking Sasuke. "You have emotions? I thought you were gay."

"Shut up," Sasuke snapped, then caught my eye.

"I really hate you," I told him.

He stared with a sensuality that planted kisses all over. "I hate you too."

**And so concludes the longest story I've been able to finish (I have a short attention span). Good ending, I hope? Tell me what you think, and stick around to see what happens to my hints at Suigetsu and Karin.**

6


	10. Side Story: SuiKa

**Wow, I am so sorry it took me this long. I've had it written for weeks, but was too lazy to read over it once. So sorry guys!**

I watched her all through English class. Even if only the back of her head, I never got tired of watching. Her hair was so colorful, deep burgundy that always let me pick her out in a crowd. That comforted me somehow.

Not that I'd ever need to pick her out of a crowd. She wasn't anyone special.

Aw, fuck it. I was in love with her, wasn't I?

I didn't know how the hell I was going to dig myself out of this one. She wouldn't answer any calls. She pointedly avoided any eye contact. It was like my existence had been thoroughly scrubbed clean of her life. It made me feel like shit. Especially since I thought she said she loved me. I guess I was that easy to forget.

I watched her rise from her seat and realized the bell had rung. What I didn't realize it that I was following her, until I saw myself brushing her hair off her neck and over her shoulder. The move that never failed to make her sigh this time tightened her shoulders.

"Hey," I said softly, hoping not to startle her.

"What do you want?" She asked coolly, not even turning to look me in the eye. I wanted to grab her by both of her shoulders and forcibly spin her around, but figured it wouldn't help my case in that moment.

"You haven't been answering my calls." I told her, evading the question.

"I was under the impression it didn't matter to you what I did." She said tonelessly. "Now what do you want?"

I grabbed her arm, hard enough to keep her by my side, but not enough to leave marks. I hated her, in that moment, for knowing what she was doing to me. It was cruel and manipulative. And passionate and probably for the good of both of us. So much like her. "Look, stop trying to make me say it, babe. I suck at words."

"Let go of me," she said, voice cracking, desperately trying to shake me off. I let go, stunned into action by the unexpected urgency in her tone. She wasn't the unfeeling, heartless bitch I'd always made her out to be. The uncharacteristic emotion made me sick to think it was my own fault. I was glad she was facing away from me. I didn't want to see that emotion splayed across her face. "How the hell do you expect me to know what you want to say without you actually saying anything. I'm not a fuckin' miracle. I don't want to know what goes on in that fucked up head of yours."

I had to speak then, but I was at a loss. All I could think to say was, "Actions are supposed to speak louder than words."

She turned to me then, and I was assaulted by her tearful eyes and angry scowl; deep breaths and hot cheeks. "How am I going to be able to know what you mean when I can only interrupt you actions as I'd like. You're just a fuck-buddy Suigetsu, you're never supposed to trust them."

I couldn't pause to realize the inevitable repercussions before scooping her into my arms and forcing her into a kiss. I could only think _'God, I've missed this,'_ before her palm turned my cheek a harsh scarlet.

"Rot in hell," she told me, before swiftly turning away and making her way down the hallway. A couple_ ooh_s from stupid teenage observers did little to distract me. I took off in the opposite direction, head down. I don't know why I never could listen.

I skipped the rest of the school day, speed-walking to the park where I could think, leaning against some tree I'm sure had been around since the beginning of time. I needed to cool off. Or regain some dignity or something.

I needed a smoke. Desperately.

I took a drag, smoke dangerously filling my lungs. I watched as it swirled off my bottom lip. I lifted the cigarette of my lips so I could stare at it. I wasn't really a smoker. I only smoked sometimes when I was pissed or unsettled. And I never smoked in front of the guys since they were probably the only ones who cared enough to give me a hard time. No one ever gave me grief about it.

Until Karin. I lit up one day after some argument with my father and she gave me this look of sheer disgust. She started ranting and raving about how that shit would kill me and it wouldn't matter to her but was repulsive and if I didn't stop she just might have to leave before I even got any.

"What's it to you then, if you don't care?" I asked her, annoyed. She looked caught off guard, and hunched her shoulders in a fraction.

"I don't." She tossed her hair over her shoulder almost too casually. "But someone much care about you, right?"

I smirked to myself, dropping my cigarette in the dirt and snuffing out the orange flame with the toe of my shoe. She made me put my cigarette out back then too, the little bitch. How can she be mad at me when she couldn't just say she cared them, like I still couldn't. If it wasn't for that fight and her letting it slip, she still wouldn't be able to say it.

With a pang, I ran through her words from earlier. I don't think I'd ever heard her call me Suigetsu. It was always some kind of insult, or Sui when we were in bed. Everyone called me Suigetsu, but from her it seemed strangely impersonal—removed. What I wouldn't give…but that was it, wasn't it. There wasn't much else I had. People didn't care for me unless they had masochistic tendencies. I drove everyone around me insane. I was all good for one night, but no one ever stuck around. Somehow she managed to though. Until she realized how pointless it was even trying.

I pushed my hair out of my face. I was such a pussy. I couldn't even man up enough to tell her that I loved her. I wanted to take ownership so badly it was a physical ache.

I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket and checked the time. I could still make it, if I ran. So I sprinted.

After all, I didn't have anything to lose, except for her, and it was too late for that, wasn't it?

I ran all the way back to the school, just in time to lose myself in the throng of druggie burnouts of my generation. Almost desperately, I combed the crowd for her face, but with little success, until I spotted her head bobbing up and down, cherry red, as she strode a couple of yards away. Needless to say, I had to shove and force my way through the crowds to reach her quick enough, leaving a trail of pissed off students in my wake.

I grabbed her shoulders and twisted her my way the second time that day. I was hoping for a better outcome this time around.

"I love you," I said, trying not to appear out of breath. "You're a crazy-ass bitch, but I love you."

Karin gave me this look of incredulous outrage. Frozen like that for a few seconds, I was worried she's short-circuited for a moment. Then she hit me in the chest, but with less force than before.

"Oh my god, I fuckin' hate you!" she half-screamed. Still visibly upset. "What the hell do you think you're doing taking this long?"

I didn't wait for her to launch into one of her full-fledged rants before pulling her up in an embrace and kiss her as urgently as in my power. Instead of slapping me, this time she did nothing but relax into my hold, snaking her arms around my neck firmly enough that I could never escape a second time. I menerized her lips on mine again and wondered: why _did_ I wait this long?

I pulled away at last. "Better now?"

Karin closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and met my eyes. "I think so."

I grinned down at her, interlacing my fingers with hers. She shot me a puzzled look as I started to pull her away.

"Where are we going?" she asked, though not necessarily upset for the first time in an eternity.

"Home." I answered. She leaned into my shoulder in an uncommonly affectionate gesture.

"I'm already home," She said almost dreamily. I wrinkled my nose.

"Are we really going to be one of those couples?" I wondered. She shared a similar look of distaste.

"You're right; I was just trying it out. It left a bad taste in my mouth." She then became a bit more serious. "Are we a couple then?"

"Nah," I said. "Just in love. Couples are stupid."

She shrugged and looked back in front of us. "Works for me."

**Completed. Hope you liked it!**


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